Several years ago, I worked with a colleague who joked about how her fertility approach was starting to mirror her original approach to finding the right partner. She shared how she and her friends would laugh about how the right partner would only come when they weren’t looking… and spend their dinners out together trying to catch one of the others looking over their shoulders “just in case he was passing by.”
A Mind~Body~Spirit approach to fertility asks you to build your belief and expectation that your baby is on its way to you before you have any physical evidence this is true. In fact, I ask my clients to stop looking at the physical evidence (in essence asking them to stop looking over their shoulders to see if anything has changed).
A Mind~Body~Spirit approach is not generally a quick fix. The first evidence you are making a change shows up as feeling better emotionally and/or feeling more connected with your own divinity or understanding of how this fertility journey fits into the overall pattern of your life.
When you are constantly evaluating and asking, “Is this working,” it negates some of the Mind and Spirit shifts. This kind of question takes you out of trust and triggers the stress response in the body.
So, how do you make sure you are “doing” the approach correctly?
Here are a few guidelines:
- Ease all or nothing thinking. Of course the goal is to have your baby. At the same time, your body gives you signals it is shifting toward fertility. These signals can look like: your cycle shifting back towards “normal,” less stress, better sleep, less PMS, etc. See all of these signs as a signal you are building momentum towards the baby you want. Allow your momentum to build as opposed to judging a method negatively because it didn’t create a baby the first month.
- Ease up on the “why” questions. At first glance, “why” questions seem important. After all, if you can answer the “why” then you will most likely know the “how.” Yet, with fertility, this often isn’t the case. Either you are “un-explained” or you know there are certain issues with egg and sperm, but what should be the “how” doesn’t always yield a baby. Notice how often you are shifting into the “why” questions: why is this happening, why me, why is this taking so long, why isn’t this working? Why questions turn your attention to the past and base your momentum on past conditions (infertility) rather than the condition you want (a baby). Begin to be conscious of how often you are asking “why” questions. When one comes up, use it as a reminder to take a full, deep breath and bring yourself back into the present moment.
- Be willing to use emotional shifts as evidence you are making progress to your baby. This is often a really big shift to make because we are not used to emotions being anything other than something that makes us feel good or bad. In fact many people push away emotions. Your emotions are your key to how your body is functioning. This is a simplification, but — if you feel good, you are allowing your body to be in full functioning mode. If you feel bad, your body is receiving signals to start a stress response and shut down all but essential actions in your cells. Put your focus on being willing to a) Make the emotional shift (even feeling neutral rather than stressed is better for your body, and b) Celebrate the progress you are making towards your baby.
As you ease yourself through the ease of these steps, you will find yourself stepping more confidently into a feeling-state of hope, expectation and belief. These feeling-states will propel you forward towards your baby.
